The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
