when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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