worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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