I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
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