Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
