just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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