why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
