People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
