I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
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