Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
and you fell through a lawn chair
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
