I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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