If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
