Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
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DIN'T JUSGE NE.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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