you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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