life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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