One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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