Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
