remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
