There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
We need a shit load of segways right now
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
