im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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