How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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