i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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