Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
