booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
two words: eviction party
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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