I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
