my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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