Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
