Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
