I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
