That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
