I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
