just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
