Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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