i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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