If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
