apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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