you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
