I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
