Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just gift wrapped bread.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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