I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
How does one acquire holy water?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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