Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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