Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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