U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Randomize
