You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like eating out sand paper
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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