We're like a lot better than the average bears
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
