she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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