if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
