Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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