I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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