eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
