yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
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