So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She swung at the pinata with crutches
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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