so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
