Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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