Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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