Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
