Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
