My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
