I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
