i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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