He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize