I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
