i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Sober January is a disaster.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
