I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
