If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
