then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
