please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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