i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
