Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He passed out mid-signature
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Randomize
