Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
